I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
