i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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