by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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