3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
