well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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