Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
