her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
