don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you had me at cake vodka
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
