my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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