do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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