im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
