You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
