hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize