and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
