I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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