I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
