6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
