i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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