do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
