My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
