I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
