so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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