There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
