I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
