mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
