He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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