I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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