Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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