mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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