So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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