I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
