Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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