So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
