we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everyone says I win the strip club
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
