I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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