Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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