I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
