we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize