I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
