Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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