Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
As shirtless as possible
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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