I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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