Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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