I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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