I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
