Betty ford says i'm here all night
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
