sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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