I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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