I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
