No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
