I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
