is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't put those talents on a resume
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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