dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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