He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
