my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
