My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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