its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
