you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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