There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
