he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
