Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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