i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
