he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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