so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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