Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
