I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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