Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
