Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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