He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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