i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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