Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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