So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
