why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
